Anya Quotes

"For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking math." (Ep. 3.16, "Doppelgangerland")

(to Xander) "I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not ... interlock. Please remove your clothing now." (Ep. 4.03, "Harsh Light of Day")

(re: Thanksgiving) "To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie." (Ep. 4.08, "Pangs")

(re: the game of Life) ANYA: Oh, crap. Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage...
XANDER: That means you're winning.
ANYA: Really?
XANDER: Yes. Cash equals good.
ANYA: Ooh! (claps her hands in excitement) I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash? (Ep. 5.02, "The Real Me")

"I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods." (Ep. 5.11, "Triangle")

(attempting to annoy Olaf the Troll) "Hey Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend! Uh, y-you're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors. ... Your menacing stance is merely alarming! ... And your roar is less than full-throated!" (Ep. 5.11, "Triangle")

(re: computers) "Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, 'Whoa! I'm eleven hundred years old ... I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.'" (Ep. 5.15, "I Was Made To Love You")

(crying) "I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's ... there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why." (Ep. 5.16, "The Body")

"Capitalism. A free market dependant on the profitable exchange of goods for currency. A system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. Look at 'em. Perusing the shelves, undressing the merchandise with their eye-balls. All ogle, no cash. It's not just annoying, it's un-American." (Ep. 5.19, "Tough Love")

ANYA: Martha Stewart isn't a demon. (to Buffy) She's a witch.
XANDER: Please, she- (pauses) Really?
ANYA: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness. (Ep. 6.09, "Wrecked")

(practicing the wedding vows)
ANYA: 'I, Anya, promise to ... love you, to cherish you, ... to honor you, uh, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something? However, I do entrust you with ...' (pauses, hears the others chuckling) What? Is something funny?
TARA: No, n-nothing, sweetie, just, just keep still.
ANYA: Okay. Blah, blah, blah, misogynistic. Blah, blah, 'I do however entrust you ... um, with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all that I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too. I'll protect it and tend to it, like a little stray.' Wait, no. 'Like a, a little mangy stray that needs a home.' No, that's not it either.
(...)
ANYA: 'I, Anya, promise to cherish you...' Ew, no, not cherish. Uh, 'I promise ... to have sex with you whenever ... I want, and, uh ... uh, pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidante, and your sex poodle...'
TARA: Uh, sex poodle?
ANYA: Yeah, why?
TARA: Um, I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows.
ANYA: Huh.
(...)
ANYA: Okay. For the last time. 'I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because ... I love you and I'll always love you. And ... before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really ... and I had seen what love could do to people, and it was ... hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and ... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this ... thing. You make me feel safe and warm. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.' (Ep. 6.16, "Hell's Bells")

"This is getting to be a pattern with you, Buffy. Are there any friends of yours left you haven't tried to kill?" (Ep. 7.05, "Selfless")

XANDER: Whatever's between us, it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be alone in this.
ANYA: Yes, I should. My whole life, I've just clung to whatever came along.
XANDER: Well, speaking as a clingee, kinda didn't mind.
ANYA: Thanks. For everything. (Xander nods in resignation and begins to walk away) Xander (he turns back to look at her) ... what if I'm really nobody?
XANDER: (smiling gently) Don't be a dope.
ANYA: I'm a dope.
XANDER: Sometimes.
ANYA: That's a start. (Ep. 7.05, "Selfless")

XANDER: You're gonna be fine.
ANYA: Better be! Because if I get vamped, I'm gonna bite your ass.
XANDER: Wouldn't be the first time. (Ep. 7.08, "Sleeper")