Giles Quotes

"This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult? (switch to shot of Buffy wearing a cheerleading uniform) ... You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to ... wave pompoms at people." (Ep. 1.03, "The Witch")

"But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of ... of fiends and devils and ... and ghouls to engage. (everyone looks at him) Pardon me for finding the glass half full." (Ep. 1.03, "The Witch")

BUFFY: (notices a series of cuts on Angel's arm) What happened?
ANGEL: I didn't pay attention.
BUFFY: To somebody with a big fork?
ANGEL: He's coming.
BUFFY: The Fork Guy?
ANGEL: Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out.
BUFFY: Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic!
ANGEL: I have to go. (leaves)
BUFFY: (ironic) Sweet dreams to you, too.
. . .
GILES: That's all he said? 'Fork Guy'?
BUFFY: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
GILES: I think there are too many 'guys' in your life. (Ep. 1.04, "Teacher's Pet")

BUFFY: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory?
GILES: Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a, a common, extremely well-proportioned way.
BUFFY: Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well-Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover.
GILES: He what? Ran away?
BUFFY: He was petrified.
GILES: Of Miss French?
BUFFY: Uh-huh! So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand ... How many things am I afraid of?
GILES: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule. (Ep. 1.04, "Teacher's Pet")

"Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled." (Ep. 1.04, "Teacher's Pet")

GILES: Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal?
WILLOW: Entirely!
BUFFY: Of course!
GILES: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.
BUFFY: Good idea. (Ep. 1.04, "Teacher's Pet")

GILES: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one, and his, uh, mother before him, and I was to be next.
BUFFY: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
GILES: No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer. (Ep. 1.05, "Never Kill A Boy on the First Date")

GILES: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
BUFFY: Uh-huh.
GILES: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
BUFFY: Yes.
GILES: And, well, otherwise, all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles?
BUFFY: It's bad, isn't it?
GILES: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. 'Course, you'll have to kill him. (Ep. 1.06, "The Pack")

"Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is, uh, it has no texture, no context. It's there, and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible. It should be, um ... smelly. " (Ep. 1.08, "I Robot, You Jane")

"I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby." (Ep. 2.02, "Some Assembly Required")

BUFFY: I told one lie, I had one drink.
GILES: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words 'let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture. (Ep. 2.05, "Reptile Boy")

"To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's ... it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it." (Ep. 2.19, "I Only Have Eyes For You")

(to Wesley) "If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you're at it, don't criticize my methods." (Ep. 3.14, "Bad Girls")

(to Wesley re: Cordelia) "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about." (Ep. 3.20, "The Prom")

"Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books." (Ep. 4.17, "Superstar")

XANDER: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
GILES: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. (pause) I did not say that. (Ep. 5.09, "Listening to Fear")

GILES: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
BUFFY: What'd she make you do?
GILES: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys. (Ep. 5.15, "I Was Made To Love You")

(to Willow re: Buffy's resurrection) "The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!" (Ep. 6.03, "Flooded")

(to Dawn re: cereal experimentation) "I find as you get older, that you lose patience with ... throwing up." (Ep. 6.03, "Flooded")

(re: Xander in pirate costume) "He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to charmed objects. With any luck he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates." (Ep. 6.05, "All The Way")

(to Dark!Willow) "I see. If you lose someone you love, then the other people in your life, who care about you, become meaningless. I wonder what Tara would say about that?" (Ep. 6.22, "Grave")